Back to Work Blues

Going back to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave was probably the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  For multiple reasons.  After spending 24 hours per day, 7 days a week with Stella, leaving her seriously broke my heart.  Yes, it can be a tough job, but it is honestly the best one I have ever had.  Period.  When I went back to work, she had just developed such a fun little personality and definite likes/dislikes.  I thoroughly enjoyed figuring out what made her giggle with delight!  There is absolutely nothing more beautiful and more rewarding than seeing her smile.  Best.thing.ever.  So yeah.  That sucked.

When she sleeps, this is how she likes to do it...

I also hated having someone other than her father and me care for her.  Or anyone outside of our family for that matter.  It still sort of makes me sick to my stomach when I think of someone else feeding her and changing her diapers (although I have changed one poop diaper in the last week... So I guess there's one upside.)  At least when I pick her up I do feel like she is well-cared for, and the smile she gives when she sees me makes me forget about everything.  I also take solace in knowing that most days, she doesn't make her way to daycare until the afternoon, so she's not spending 40+ hours per week under the care and supervision of someone else.

Then, there is the fatigue.  Holy smokes.  I thought I was tired when I was pregnant.  I also thought I was tired right after Stella was born.  But this is a whole new ball of wax - working 8+ hours per day running all over the hospital, then picking Stella up from daycare and keeping her entertained until bed time, and then attempting to keep up with housework after she goes to bed (ie washing bottles/pump parts, doing laundry so we all have clean shirts to wear, and hopefully transferring dinner dishes from the sink to the dishwasher if we are lucky.... and yes, if you're thinking that "la casa de Hawk must be a pigsty," you would be correct.) is tough stuff.  If I'm lucky, I'm in bed by 11:00pm.  This week, Stella has been waking up around 2:00am to eat.  And then staying up.  When she stays up, Mom stays up.  By 5:00am, it's time to feed again.  After, I hop in the shower, get ready (I've yet to have adequate time to blowdry and straighten my hair - air dry it is!), pump, and then I'm out the door for work.  Annnnd hit the repeat button.  Life is even a little more challenging when Bryce works the evening shift.  So, if I haven't been good at returning texts/e-mails/phonecalls the last couple weeks, please forgive me. I'm still trying to adjust to my new schedule.  And I'm tired.

A common site at 5:00am... Highly variable in whether it's Mom or Dad with her...

However, two weeks in (seriously, I've been back to work for two weeks?!) and things are getting better every day.  I'm functioning better on little sleep, I don't cry when I think about her being at daycare, we organically developed a nice little routine for our days, I don't have to change nearly as many blowout diapers, and, no matter how good or bad my day at work is, I get to return home to little Miss Stella and her sweet little smile.  So yeah.  That's pretty awesome. :)

3 Month Update

Length: ?

Weight:  ~11 lbs

Clothing size:  0-3 month things right now, although on her 11 week birthday, I put her in the shirt that she came home from the hospital in, and it fit perfectly!

Favorite food:  If you guessed milk, you would be correct!

Favorite song:  Bingo, The Eentsy Weentsy Spider, Anything Mom and Dad make up to keep her entertained.

Favorite toy:  Mirrors!  She loves looking into them and smiling.  She also continues to enjoy her kick-and-play mat.

Favorite book: Room on the Broom, Going on a Bear Hunt and Dr. Seuss anything

Favorite time of day:  Still a morning baby!

Mom and Dad's observations/milestones:  Stella continues to expand her sound inventory, making new sounds each day, and is now making more two syllable sounds.  Bryce and I are pretty sure she is on the verge of laughing.  She desperately continues to try and roll over (back to front and front to back) - she is thisclose.  She now prefers to sleep on her left side - Even if I try to again put her on her back, she rolls to her side.

Sleeping:  Stella continues to cat nap throughout the day, and sleep really well at night.  Her longer stretches of sleep have been about 6-7 hours, going about 8 hours between feedings.  It's always questionable how easily  she will fall back asleep.

Eating:  Little missy still eats about every three hours, taking in approximately 4 ounces.  Occasionally she will need 5 ounces if she goes 8+ hours without feeding.

Stella's favorite things:  Smiling!  Smiling is her favorite!  Looking at herself and us in the mirror.  Blowing saliva bubbles

Three month notes:  Stella picks up on the emotions of others extremely well and models her own behaviors and actions based on yours, so we are very cautious not to be sad or upset around her.  She has also really started to enjoy her baths!  If you were around our house for bath time during Stella's first two months, you would know that she really, really didn't like baths.  Believe it or not, she will now sometimes smile and coo as you wash her.  It feels like a miracle.

Here are some outtakes from week 10 photos that were too cute not to share.

2 Month Update

Yikes.  Has it really been a month since my last post?  Time got the better of me.  Month two was a bit hectic for us - from Stella's physical growth spurt (nursing every hour and a half to two hours!) to her mental growth spurt (oh the fussiness and lack of sleep), her two month shots (the horror!), Mom's breastfeeding challenges and everything else in between, there wasn't much time.  Once I get back to work, and am forced to get on a schedule, I will set aside certain days to write a blog post.  There is so much going on that I want to keep you all updated on.  For now, I will give you Stella's two month update!

Length:  22.5 inches (53%ile)

Weight:  10 lbs, 13 oz (47%ile)

Clothing size:  0-3 month.  A few newborn things fit, although I have pretty much put away all her newborn items.  So sad!

Favorite food:  Still getting her favorite - milk!

Favorite song:  Dave Matthews Lullaby CD, Fancy by Iggy Azalea, Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes.

Stella met her BFF, Harrison!

Favorite toy:  Her Kick and Play Mat that makes music when she kicks the keys.  Mom and Dad have the songs memorized and sing along with them when she kicks.

Favorite book:  We're Going on a Bear Hunt and anything by Dr. Seuss.  She loves books with repetitive lines and ones that rhyme.  

Favorite time of day:  This little lady loves her mornings!  She is so happy and smiley and will talk up a storm!

Mom and Dad's observations/milestones:  She recognizes Mom and Dad, turns her head to sound and tracks objects like a champ.  Additionally, she can hold her head up independently really well.  She listens well to simple books.  Her ability to grab big targets (especially Mom's hair) is excellent and she is really improving her ability to reach and grab smaller targets.

Sleeping:  Similar to before, Stella is pretty much awake most of the day, taking small cat-naps throughout the day.  Lately, she has been sleeping from about 9pm to 3am, give or take an hour... She will then nurse, and typically goes back to bed.  We are also letting her put herself to sleep (laying her down while drowsy, not asleep) and 80-90% of the time is successful at doing this independently.  

Eating:  Stella is still nursing about every 3 hours (except at night while she sleeps).  When she does get a bottle, she is taking 4 ounces, give or take a few milliliters.  

Stella's favorite things:  Hanging out in her nursery!

Month two notes:  Stella has changed so much in the past month!  She is growing like a weed, and has officially lost her newborn appearance.  She is beginning to engage in activities and is turning into such a fun baby with quite the personality!

Baby Acne + 5 weeks

There are two phrases that I have really, really grown to dislike:  Every baby gets it/Lots of babies get it and It will get worse before it gets better.

Stella came down with a pretty significant case of baby acne.  It started on the entire right side of her face, right before her one month pediatrician visit.  Naturally, I thought it was some nasty rash, however, the doctor assured me that it was "a solidly moderate" case of baby acne, and to be prepared because it often "gets worse before it gets better."  Little did I realize just how worse it would get.  And the fact that it was "just acne" did not make me rest any easier - I wanted it gone.

I then started asking other momma's if they had experience with baby acne to see if they had any recommendations.  All but one told me that their child did not have baby acne, however, quickly informed me that "Lots of babies get it."  Uhhh, if "lots" of babies get it, why didn't the babies of the momma's I asked get it?!  Frustration really started to set in.

Within a day or so of her doctors visit, it spread to the left side of  her face.  About a week later, it started to look a little better on her face, however, I noticed it started to spread to her neck, chest and shoulders.  I knew it was acne, I knew it had the potential to become worse, yet I still panicked and called the doctor.  I was really starting to get upset.  It's spreading to her shoulders for Pete's sake, certainly it has turned into some sort of rash at this point, right?  Again, they assured me that it was baby acne, that it was common, that it wasn't my fault, there was nothing they really recommend doing at this point, and that I could always bring Stella in to have them look at it.  I guess it made me feel a little better.  But not much.

Naturally, I ran out and started looking at all-natural, organic hygiene products for sensitive skin for Stella because I was convinced that it would help.  Johnson and Johnson just wasn't cutting it for this momma.  After her first bath with it, her face started to clear.  Second bath with it, and it was on it's way to completely healed.  Probably purely coincidence, but it was enough to ensure we will be very choosy with our products.

The acne on her face is almost completely gone and her skin is returning to its super soft, clear state.  The stuff on her neck, shoulders and chest is still healing, but getting better.  Now I can rest a little easier.

That is, until the next thing comes up...

4 Weeks

I much prefer saying "four weeks" versus "one month."  It sounds less grown up.  I can't believe Stella Bella has been with us for one whole month 4 weeks already.

Length:  20.5 inches

Weight:  8 lbs, 11 oz

Clothing size:  Newborn fits best, although she is sporting some 0-3 month things right now.

Favorite food:  Only getting milk at this point, which she loves.

Favorite song:  Right now she really only likes white noise.

Favorite toy:  Walls, lights, and her own face.  Not really digging any toys in particular.  However, she does enjoy her play mat for tummy time.

Favorite time of day:  Morning!  Just this week, she started getting her days and nights correct and is sleeping more at night and staying awake during the day.  Hallelujah!

Mom and Dad's observations/milestones:  Stella lifts her head really well during tummy time (although she's been lifting her head well since we were in the hospital), she will turn her head to follow noise, and for the past week has done a beautiful job of tracking objects.  She is smiling occasionally, however, whether or not it is purposeful is questionable.  Mom has noticed that she has started making different sounds.

Sleeping:  Stella is pretty much awake most of the day, taking little naps here and there.  The longest stretch of time she will sleep during the night right now is about four hours, her max duration has been five.

Eating:  Stella mostly nurses, however, she does typically get one bottle per day.  In that one bottle, she may have anywhere from 80 ml's to 120 ml's. In the words of her pediatrician, "she is a good eater!"

Stella's favorite things:  Being swaddled and cuddling with Mom and Dad.  We don't swaddle her at night when she's sleeping, only when she is being closely watched.

First month notes:  Mom and Stella survived the first bacterial flesh eating infection diaper rash.  It was about the size of a dime, but naturally Mom thought it was taking over her hiney.  With the use of Desitin, it cleared up in two days.  Stella also had some baby acne pop up.  Again, Mom thought it was another form of a disease.  It's starting to clear up nicely, now.

The Many Faces of Stella

Miss Stella has some of the most random facial expressions, and I just can't get enough of them.  My iPhone camera is getting a serious workout trying to capture everything so we can send something to Dad while he's at work.  These shots were literally snapped within seconds of each other.  We get such a kick out of her expressions, I couldn't help but share them here!